It’s no secret that a lot of guys have a fascination with threesomes. And at some point, your S.O. might mention that his go-to fantasy is having a threeway.
But there’s a big difference between occasionally drooling over the concept and actively pursuing it as an option. And if he would like to do the latter, what the hell does it say about your relationship?
For a guy who’s spoken for, threesomes seem like a relatively accessible form of sexual adventure, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. He gets to double up on all the things he loves to do between the sheets, while also doubling up on his favorite fantasies: sex with two women and girl-on-girl action. Threesomes are basically the dude version of walking in a new pair of Jimmy Choos while eating cake.
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Just because he’s wanted to add a threeway to his resumé since puberty, it doesn’t mean he wants to cheat, says Queen. Usually, guys bring up the idea because they’re frisky and hope you’re frisky too. In some cases, they aren’t attuned to whether their partners would actually be into it or not, says Queen. The casual threesome suggestion is a way for him to test the waters.
If he pursues the idea further than just throwing it out there, and your relationship is on solid ground, then there’s a solid chance that his pursuit has nothing to do with how he feels about you or your relationship. “He could just be an erotic guy who wants to live out his sexiest fantasies,” says board-certified clinical sexologist Debra Laino.
If you make it known that you’d rather get your rear end waxed than fondle another woman’s breasts, he’ll probably never bring it up again. But if he continues to push the issue after you’ve snuffed it out, especially if his nagging is making you feel inadequate, that’s a cause for concern, says Laino. Also, if your guy has a habit of being sexually greedy or starts getting very specific about his threesome fantasies (like naming the third party he’d like to knock boots with), you may want to think twice about his motives, says Queen.
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Before you sit him down for a heart to heart, determine whether or not you’d ever be interested in a threesome. If you’re at least into the fantasy of it, take the time to define your fantasy — what it would look like, who it would be with, what you’d want to do, and what you’d want to skip, says Queen. Then get bae to do the same.
“Look for ways your fantasies match up, and more importantly, diverge,” she says. If there are too many differences between your fantasy and his or you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable, then a threesome probably isn’t for you. If you’re kind of into it, you could test the waters with threesome or girl-on-girl porn.
You may also want to remind him that a threesome doesn’t have to include another woman — there are plenty of guys down to play the third wheel. Just sayin’.